Holy Emotions

This weekend was absolutely KILLER! I had a total meltdown on Sunday and this week has been just as emotional. 

Again, I went home which is really unlike me to get to go home so much but the fiance unexpectedly got off work which meant he wanted to go see his family. He rarely gets off work and when he does for the weekend he likes to make the trip. I was off work Friday so we left early morning to get back in time for some swimming. While we’re home most nights we hang out at my parents house because his family all goes their separate ways. When we arrived at my house my dad had been discussing going to the Drive In movies. Unfortunately, my family is horrid at planning things and we quickly realized we wouldn’t be making it to the movies that night. Instead we just hung out and made plans to go to the City Market early Saturday morning. 

I had decided I would get up early and go for a run and then go meet them at the house since I was the only one who knew where it was. Well I went running as planned, we went to the farmers market and were there until about mid-afternoon. Since it was so stinkin’ humid out we went to the pool again. When we got home the drive-in was brought up again and this time it didn’t matter, we were going! So, the movie started at 9:10 and this plan wasn’t made until 8:40. (Remember, the movie is at least 20 minutes away). 

Upon arrival at the drive-in at approximately 9:15, there is a line going outside of the theater and we didn’t pay attention to a small detail. THEY ONLY ACCEPTED CASH! Luckily, my dad had enough for everyone the only problem is we were in separate cars. So I had to go up and down the line distributing cash. Well, my fiance and I are big movie buffs and HATE to miss any part of a movie. This one is no exception. We decided to see Man of Steel and had missed the first 10ish minutes. This caused me to already be aggravated along with being lost throughout the whole movie. But WHATEVER, that was my Saturday.

Sunday I decided to sleep in since we were out so late at the drive-in (it was a double feature so we didn’t return until almost 3am, we saw Fast 6 after Man of Steel which I had already seen). When we finally got moving we went to my fiance’s moms house and hung out there. It was sooo hot outside when we left I just wanted something to cool down, so we stopped and got ice cream. I had made plans with my little sisters (who are 13), to do some pinteresty things with them which included painting shorts, etc. The weeks prior I had purchased a pair of jeans at a thrift shop and when I went to put them on they didn’t fit!! I had to wiggle into them and they  barely got buttoned. Of course, my little sisters found this amusing along with my fiance. They made a comment about me eating ice cream and GOD FORBID some potato chips at the movie the night before. What they didn’t realize was I was secretly thinking to myself the same thing! I couldn’t help but be upset. I have worked out every single day! Busted my ass at the gym and watching what I ate and by eating one friggin thing of ice cream and a handful of potato chips I couldn’t fit into those damn pants!?

I SNAPPED!

Immediately, I took the pants off threw them in the trash and put my running shoes on. I was going to work off that ice cream if it was the last thing I did! I left the house in tears and started to run… in 100 degree heat… after eating ice cream. Uhhh.. bad choice! I ran my first mile in RECORD time. I could feel myself getting sick and had to stop. I realized I was just being emotional but the comments hurt and I only knew one thing to do and that was to run. So I ran until I practically got sick. 

Then when I got home I realized what I was doing was stupid. I surround myself with people who eat whatever the HELL they want, while I am counting every last calorie I eat. It is becoming unhealthy for me. When I reflect on what I did last year to lose weight, I just made sure to stay active. I didn’t keep myself from having the occasional ice cream cone or spend every waking moment of my time at the gym. I was tired of constantly having to work hard for my body while no one else did. So I gave up. I gave up on the obsessive dieting. I am going to remain healthy but understand that I can cheat and I can eat a greasy cheeseburger every once and awhile. Before, I would tell myself I didn’t need a cheat day, that I could be strong every day of the week. I was wrong! I need to fall off the wagon every once and awhile. I need to go back to being comfortable in my body. 

So that’s where I’m at. 

I was trying to be positive. I have realized that I am the one who decides how I am going to feel each day. I am in charge of my own happiness. So I thought this week would be fine. But I can tell I’m in a funk. I could tell yesterday when I woke up and I just couldn’t seem to get my day kick started. I haven’t been in a funk in awhile and I know it’ll pass but I’m just in a mood.

Then when I get to work today, I call the place I am moving next year because I sent my application almost a month ago and the check has yet to be cashed. (Remind you, I had emailed her last week with no response). When I call I am told that apparently my application was never received/lost in the mail but they are in the process of moving offices so it may be in all that but if I could send a new one that’d be great. Again, usually I’m a pretty positive person and by all means I understand stuff happens, but come on! I just didn’t need this to top it all off. 

Anyways, this funk needs to go. 

But, to end this post on a more positive note, since that’s how this funk is going to go, I’ve been trying new things and I really have come to liking pumpkin seeds in my yogurt and salads. I have also started to enjoy raisins (I used to absolutely HATE them!).

Withdrawls

Man oh Man do I miss this. Over the weekend I went back to my hometown to visit my parents and didn’t have access to a computer/take time to sit down and write out a post. Throughout the weekend I felt like a crack addict. I noticed myself thinking about my blog and how I hadn’t posted and that I need to really be conscious of my diet choices along with my workouts. By the end of the weekend I was wearing thin and caught myself saying at 11:00 I was going to get ice cream!! I had been doing so good all weekend and I about blew it for a late night craving. This weekend was much needed. I took a break one day and didn’t workout but still stuck to my food choices with the exception of those wandering thoughts and a dinner out with my fiance’s family. That meal may not have been the healthiest but I controlled my portions and think overall I did well this weekend. My dad does his best when I am home to cook according to my diet because they know that if not I wont be eating their meals. He decided to craft up his own version of a spinach burger. He put chives, spinach, and oats in them with Swiss cheese melted on top. They were really good compared to anything I usually cook at home. 

Today I’m back in my routine which is exactly what I need. I will get back on my Insanity after work and will go for a run later tonight. We didn’t get a chance to walk the dogs all weekend so we’ll for sure have to put that in the agenda as well. I am hoping that I don’t die out before I get all this done since I have been up earlier than usual today. This weekend I caught myself admiring the results I have seen from working out but could tell yesterday and this morning that I hadn’t worked out. It put a little damper on my mood but only reminded myself what I had been working so hard for. Trying not to be too hard on myself I felt my day off yesterday was well worth it and will only help motivate me to get through my workouts today. 

It is a beautiful day and I’m excited to see what the rest of it has in store for me!!

Motivated

Phewww… day two of the Shanformation is underway and things have started off pretty good. I woke up earlier than usual to go for a nice run so I have the rest of my afternoon to do other things. Typically by the time I get off work I am exhausted (I know, I know, who isn’t?), but it KILLS me to drag my butt to the gym to do anything. Usually too, my go to move is running because it’s what I do. I RUN. Each day I try and go run for at least 30-45 minutes. Lately, I feel like my body has been stagnant and I need to switch it up more. That’s where I know I’m going to die because everything else really is a struggle for me. When I do anything else at the gym I get BORED. I’m one of those self-concious people who always worry that someone’s staring at you laughing because you can barely pick up the 5lb dumbbell. But yesterday, prior to me setting up my blog, in my “I am going to make some changes” mindset,  I did the Insanity DVD. My little sisters are in town for a “mini vacation” and I tried to con them into doing it with me, however neither of them made it past the warm up, but I kept on going strong. Weight-loss is a tricky thing for me to understand. It seems to me that whenever I seem to gain an understanding, something changes. As I stated in my first post, I have really struggled with being healthy these past couple years. In the last year when I first started I had read everywhere that to lose weight the calories in must be less than the calories out. However, nowadays, it seems anywhere you read anything you must do interval training to truly lose weight. Hence my choice to do Insanity. I can always count on waking up the next morning and not being able to move. Every night, my fiancé and myself walk our dogs to get them out of the house longer than just running outside to use the restroom. Typically after our walk is when I go for my runs. I have a membership at Anytime Fitness here in town and usually go up there for their treadmills. Last night, I was still in that mindset of “Making Changes,” so I decided to do an interval run I saw on the one and only pinterest. It took me approximately 45minutes to do 5 sets of the run and was feeling good afterwards. I am hoping that because I have already gotten my run out of the way for today I will be cognizant of my decisions today. I’m also hoping that when I get off work I have enough motivation to get me through another round of Insanity.

Now I’m off to go pack my lunch and get ready for work. I’m thinking a spinach salad with lots of veggies. Here’s to a healthy day!

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